To Serve Is A Pleasure

“Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad? If not, I have failed indeed. Has anyone's burden been lighter today because I was willing to share? Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way? When they needed my help was I there?”

Good Morning brothers and sisters! I am thankful for this chance to speak to you today. This is an occassion that no one should let pass. Like teaching, we individually learn so much more than our recipients.

Having the opportunity to serve others is another honor that we should not avoid. I don't know how many of us really had the blessing of truly hearing what President Monson had to say on this topic in our last general conference. It spoke directly to my heart because for so long I would say “If you need anything, let me know,” but never openly looked for those people. And would decline the offers when they were too much of an inconvenience.

Do we really see what our neighbors need? Do we pray for the Lord to help us find things that fit with our current circumstances? My personal feeling, reflecting on my reactions to offers to help with services, on occasion are rather selfish. I have turned down having children in my home because I have not kept it up, or, I reason, that the extras in my small home would be too stressful. It is true that I do find extra children to be stressful in my home, but why should I let a little discomfort stop me from helping another?

As for most, it is easy to help those closest to us, such as friends and family. But what about the sister we don't know, who never comes to church? Or the brother who has been a few times and then never returned?

Home teaching and visiting teaching is easy, when we make those few calls and make the time. Its easiest when the person(s) are active and open to visitation. How do we react when they aren't active in the church or 'too busy'?

President Monson says “I am confident it is the intention of each member of the Church to serve and to help those in need.” ... “How many times has your heart been touched as you have witnessed the need of another? How often have you intended to be the one to help? And yet how often has day-to-day living interfered and you’ve left it for others to help, feeling that “oh, surely someone will take care of that need.”

Every Sunday we are offered the sacrament. When we take the sacrament we are renewing our covenant that we made at baptism right? Well what did we covenant? LDS.org reminds us that “Those who are baptized covenant to take the name of Jesus Christ upon themselves.
The prophet Alma explained this covenant to a group of new converts who wanted to be baptized. He observed that their desire to "come into the fold of God" included a willingness to give meaningful service—to "bear one another's burdens, that they may be light," to "mourn with those that mourn," and to "comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:8–9).”

Our wonderful apostles prepare messages for us and post them on youtube.com. Sister Smith watched “Choose this Day” by Elder Henry B. Erying, and she encouraged us to watch it as well. I watched this video, it was very inspirational and I am glad Sister Smith told us about it.

Elder Erying speaks of service in this message. He urges us to be watchful of us becoming complacent or overwhelmed by the need of service. The warning for the word 'Someday' is emotionally spoken in this video. I was close to tears and I related to what he was saying. He says that Christ even set the example when he said 'I must work the works of he that hath sent me while it is day; the night cometh while no one can work.' The temptation that we will start to believe that we will 'return someday' is dangerous for we do not know how many days we have left. We can 'choose this day' by praying for ways that we can serve and watch for those answers to our prayers. Erying promises us that if we do these things, that as hard as things may seem today, things will be better in the next day, if we choose to serve this day. And we will also feel his love and grow to love him more. This will create a cycle. We will want to feel that love continually and we will return the next day.

I am very grateful for this message. Frequently I say “someday”. I am not as busy as some, but we can create our own excuses not to do something. Most times I think its just because I am lazy. I don't want to do something that is disruptive, per say, to my normal day, my routine. The ironic thing is that most time the philanthropy is not complicated. A phone call, a note, a meal, an errand, a ride, help with dishes, giving a talk, teaching a class, help finding a job, a smile, a conversation at church, an invitation to sit with you.... The list goes forth. On and on we could list services that would take but a few moments, and are seriously that easy.
Children, as with most things in life, are a wonderful example; (which is probably why Christ admonishes us to be like little children). President Monson included a story in his talk from conference that emulates this example for us.
It reads: “Just over a year ago, I was interviewed by the Church News prior to my birthday. At the conclusion of the interview, the reporter asked what I would consider the ideal gift that members worldwide could give to me. I replied, “Find someone who is having a hard time or is ill or lonely, and do something for him or her.”
I was overwhelmed when this year for my birthday I received hundreds of cards and letters from members of the Church around the world telling me how they had fulfilled that birthday wish.
The acts of service ranged from assembling humanitarian kits to doing yard work.
Dozens and dozens of Primaries challenged the children to provide service, and then those acts of service were recorded and sent to me. I must say that the methods for recording them were creative. Many came in the form of pages put together into various shapes and sizes of books. Some contained cards or pictures drawn or colored by the children. One very creative Primary sent a large jar containing hundreds of what they called “warm fuzzies,” each one representing an act of service performed during the year by one of the children in the Primary. I can only imagine the happiness these children experienced as they told of their service and then placed a “warm fuzzy” in the jar.
I share with you just a few of the countless notes contained in the many gifts I received. One small child wrote, “My grandpa had a stroke, and I held his hand.” From an 8-year-old girl: “My sister and I served my mom and family by organizing and cleaning the toy closet. It took us a few hours and we had fun. The best part was that we surprised my mom and made her happy because she didn’t even ask us to do it.” An 11-year-old girl wrote: “There was a family in my ward that did not have a lot of money. They have three little girls. The mom and dad had to go somewhere, so I offered to watch the three girls. The dad was just about to hand me a $5 bill. I said, ‘I can’t take [it].’ My service was that I watched the girls for free.” A Primary child in Mongolia wrote that he had brought in water from the well so his mother would not have to do so. From a 4-year­-old boy, no doubt written by a Primary teacher: “My dad is gone for army training for a few weeks. My special job is to give my mom hugs and kisses.” Wrote a 9-year-old girl: “I picked strawberries for my great-grandma. I felt good inside!” And another: “I played with a lonely kid.” From an 11-year-old boy: “I went to a lady’s house and asked her questions and sang her a song. It felt good to visit her. She was happy because she never gets visitors.”
Sure there are things that we could do that take much more time and effort. And for the few that have the time and resources for those things, they are welcome to do them.

Our Relief Society Activity on October 20th was a 'spoon party'. Sister McClellan read us an analogy that I would like to relate to you guys today. It's called Make Me A Spoon.

“Did you ever compare your service to silverware? All silverware is made to serve, but the different pieces serve in different ways. Forks stab: “This is mine,” they say. Bits of meat, carrots, pickles, salad and cheese. “This, this and this are mine,” says the fork. “Everything for me, me, me.” And soon every last morsel on the plate has been pinned by the spear of the selfish fork. Knives cut: “Too big,” says the knife. Slice. Cut. Chop. Dice. Everything must change its shapes to satisfy the whim of the knife. Nothing is right as it is. Everything needs paring down, carving or separating. Spoons serve: cereal, soup, peas- all the impossible foods can be handled comfortably from the smooth bowl of the spoon. Spoons say, “Here, let me help you. We can manage together.”
Autumn then showed us a belt she had created with various spoons. The object was that each of us has different 'amounts we can serve'. Teaspoons have a little bit of time they can contribute. While ladles have a lot of room to serve. As long as you find what will fit into your life, the Lord will be pleased.

Too often it is just a handful of regulars that are called by the Relief Society and Priesthood leaders to lend a helpful hand, because those are the ones that they know will. Being in the compassionate service leader calling, I am grateful for these willing and able people. It is my prayer that as needs arise in the ward, that we all can rise to the occasion and lend our hands in uplifting one another. As I think about this I am impressed to speculate the impact that this would have on our ward. How many in-actives would return. How our rate of future inactivity would decrease. And all from a hand of service, a smile and notice to some lonely, needy member among us. We would truly be that of a Zion Ward.

I was curious what the Relief Society manual said about service; so I looked it up. “Relief Society sisters provide continuing and compassionate watch care to each other, making themselves, aware of one another's needs, circumstances, and challenges.” What really stuck out to me in this was the 'continuing' part. We are supposed to be always watching out for one another. Always looking for what can be done. The creed “Charity never faileth” implies to us that charity is not just a one time act. Charity is an enduring and an eternal practice.
The manual even goes into ways that we can become aware of needs of others. “Visiting teaching,... praying for guidance, and responding to promptings of the Spirit.” To this I would like to add home teachers. The entire ward, together as a whole, should work together to uplift and bring one another to the fold; Making one another's burdens lighter. It's amazing to me how the Lord has organized his Church. Think about it. We have the entire church which has been broken down into smaller groups. And it's even broken it down into one on one care. Our visiting teaching and home teaching responsibilities have been assigned so that we can be continually involved in service!

My mother frequently is telling me ' a time and a season'. This statement is true on so many topics. And service is definitely one of them. We should never compare ourselves to others in the ward. We are all of different life stages and life styles. I fall victim to that as well. Amy Williams and Bishop have always been people I have looked up to. People I strive to become like. Having a goal based on others examples is good. That is why Christ is our example. We are not asked to compare ourselves to him to see all our faults and feel horrible about them. We are asked to “Come unto him” that we may be like him. The LDS.org gospel topics site says “During His ministry on earth, Jesus Christ spent His time serving and helping others. True disciples of Jesus Christ do likewise. The Savior said, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another" (John 13:35). The Savior is the best example of service.
Even though He came to earth as the Son of God, He humbly served all those around Him. He declared, "I am among you as he that serveth" (Luke 22:27).”

The church recently has had a focus on bringing investigators to our devoted missionaries. One way that we can do this is by serving in our communities and neighborhoods. Stepping outside our comfort zone of our church and ward, we will find greater happiness and answers to our prayers to find readied hearts for the missionaries.

“Therefore chances for work all around just now, opportunities right in our way. Do not let them pass by, saying “Sometime I'll try,” But go and do something today. 'Tis noble of man to work and to give; Love's labor has merit alone. Only he who does something helps others to live. To God each good work will be known.”
“Then wake up and do something more than dream of your mansion above. Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure, a blessing of duty of love.”

I know with a surety that this is the teaching of Christ. Christ wants us all to be happy. And it is by serving others that we can become more like him. He has a plan for us. It is perfect and divine. He has organized everything in the Church in such a way to provide a clear and simple path to return to Him. This is my testimony: I know that He lives. I know this with all my heart. This is His Church. His Plan. He sent His servants to guide us through all that life will throw. President Monson and the other general authorities are trying to do just that. Heavenly Father is showing them what we need to hear. I am grateful for their inspiration and testimonies that have taught me so much.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

There are days when I think, Did I make the right choice? There are days when I say, Is this really my life? Being a mother of two is difficult at times. But I enjoy the adventure most days. My daughter is who puts me through it most days. My son is pretty easy. But so was Abi once. I had a conversation once with a relative and we were discussing the ages of children and the difficulties. She made the comment that she loved toddlers. I said toddlers are cute, but I have an easier time with infants. She then inquired and speculated at the same time. She asked "Why? Is it because toddlers require interaction?" I actually look that offensively at the time. But for the most part that's not it. I have an easier time with infants because their needs are basic. I know what to expect with an infant. I have a hard time with the toddler who doesn't listen. The toddler who keeps peeing on the floor. I love having a two year old. But somedays I get so stressed by life with her, that I wonder if she'll live to see three. I honestly dread my son entering the two year old stage most times. I want him to stay little, and sweet. I love the fact that if he's fussy all it takes is me to talk to him. Rattle a toy and he's all better. He makes no messes. Diapers don't count. Doesn't strangle the cats. And he doesn't fight bed time. If he's tired he usually takes little convincing to get to sleep. Abigale wants the light on, to read, to play. Of course she's always needing ice water.
But in the times when I am not stressed, and even times when I am, I see her smile. Or she says something sweet. And I fall in love all over again with my daughter. I see her develop into a little girl, toddling no more. And I watch my son grow before his age into clothes some toddlers wear. Where is the time going? My babies are growing up.


And then I try to think of the future. Of the prospect of more children, and I want to cry. I know that I am not ready for that leap. But I know we aren't done. There are missing pieces. I also feel like I need to learn. I want to go back to school. I feel a drive for the medical field. A desire that is pulling at me so strongly. But when is it time? A little at a time, I move forward figuring things out. A little at a time. I pray for strength to be able to make it through having and raising children and that I will learn what I need to learn.

Trials or Opportunities

Experiences give us opportunities to learn new lessons for life.How we handle the experiences life has given us dictates what we walk away with. Imagine a car wreck. What do you see on the people's faces? Maybe there is an angry individual. Perhaps there is a teen driver. And lets say there is a mother with children in her vehicle. Most car accidents are jostling to anyone. Its embarrassing for the person(s) at fault. Terrifying for everyone if more than a bump.
What reactions do you see in the faces? Anger. Stress. Relief if there were no injuries. Maybe some confusion if people don't know exactly what happened. Have you ever seen understanding? How about compassion?
I was recently in a car accident. For those of you familiar with the area where I live, I was on 172nd Pl Ne stopped at a light to go across 67th AVE NE. The car behind me stopped. And the car behind her did not, from what I can discern. I am not sure what exactly happened on his end. But it is irrelevant.
After the crash, we all got out to assess damages. The other two vehicles, both SUVs, sustained minor damages. My Cavalier on the other hand was more intense. The trunk is pretty severe. I cannot open it for the latch has been bent at a 45 degree angle into the trunk. Both lights are cracked and there are some other things that aren't right anymore.
The driver behind me was the veterinarian technician that actually helped me put down a cat just a few weeks ago. (Small world huh, that I knew the driver behind me.) She was not happy. She was actually very upset and angry that this happened. I don't think she was far from home. She was probably coming home from work; she was still in scrubs.
The driver at fault was a kid. He was just 16. He was mortified. His feelings were intensified when he found out about the kids in my back seat. My 13.5 week old and 2.5 year old were fine so I wasn't feeling any worry about them.
Surprisingly, I was not upset. I was scared I guess you could say because I did not see that coming. I have a bit of whip lash from it. But that's it. Instead of anger, I felt sympathy for the kid. I have been in his exact situation before. And being involved in this reminded me of all the feelings I felt when I rear-ended another car. I felt no anger. No animosity at all. I seriously kept telling him "its okay. It happens." At the time I did not know his name, nor his age. It didn't even cross my mind to get his name. It didn't matter. What mattered was everyone was okay.
Looking back, I am surprised. And I have come away from that experience with a couple thoughts. The first thought is how do we react in situations? Are we being proactive or reactive? Is what we are doing what Christ would want us to do? We are all here together to help each learn and become better. Are we doing that for one another?
Secondly, Though it should have been minor, the assessment of the damages are adding up quickly to be a large sum. My car, though it still looks nice, is not worth as much as one might think. For months we have been praying for ways to spend less and get rid of debt. Chad may have a good job, but it does not pay very well at times. This makes parts of the year difficult to make ends meet. The probability of my car being a total loss is high at this point. So I have been batting around my options and trying to weigh the pros and cons now so I can make more educated decisions when the time comes. This being said, I have been feeling like if my car is totaled, I would take the settlement money and pay off debt. This means I will be without a car for awhile. But it feels like this is the opportunity I need to take in life. This is the lemon I am to see as lemonade. Isn't that what we should do, coat our lemons with sugar and squeeze?
"When life give you lemons, make lemonade." Though the saying remains, to practically a point that it is cliche, how many of us really take its advice. To listen to such means to suck up our pride and realize we are in this position for a reason. Lemons are opportunities. They may be disguised as very sour fruit and often make us more than pucker, but we will benefit in the end.

Okay Okay... I give

I know its been a long time. But as I have told my friend, not many read this- including my husband. So I have a hard time writing when nothing really exciting is going on. That itch to write hasn't been annoying enough I suppose. After a few months of nothing, I figured I'd let the world in again.
Baby is doing great. He is very active and always in my ribs. We have a name- Caden Douglas. It was interesting to see my family's reactions to the name. I honestly felt they didn't like it. But as my husband reminded me, its our baby. I am excited to have a shower before the baby this time. Abigale's was never able to happen before her birth because of snow. And then we actually had it rescheduled for the 15th, but I went into labor that morning. Thus we had one in January after everyone was through with their holiday plans.
I am feeling very ready for this baby to come. He is becoming very uncomfortable to me. Some days I feel like the end is tomorrow. Some days... well lets just say I feel like 10 weeks is forever away.
To get ready, I was given a crib. I bought a used swing. And all the other necessities I have registered for at Babies R Us and Target. I do have some clothes, but not a lot. Sheets and other odds and ends things are on the registry.

Chad's job is going well. He has a review today that will decide on a raise in wages. Budget cuts have changed a few benefits in the company. But he still working, and that is what counts. He has also applied for other internal positions. One of which, when he applied for it, had a $100 a day bonus for being on show site. But that has been cut therefore his interest in the job has as well. It just isn't worth the extra stress for the wages offered. Which is too bad, because he would have really enjoyed it . He likes that division a lot. Maybe they will change the actual wage offered to make up the difference. But we'll see.


Life is okay, we take it one day at a time.

Its a ....

The long wait has paid off. We have a baby who wants to show all. The radiology tech said "its a good thing you want to know because we'd have a hard time not noticing this one!"

So what did he say we are having- BOY!

Chad is very happy and so am I.

Baby update

We had an appointment on Tuesday. Everything is going well. I am where I should be. Baby has a strong heartbeat. It is always nice to be reassured of the health of my baby. We may have decided on a name. But we don't know if we're having a boy or girl yet.... so I am not really going to announce anything. :)

The doctors are still sticking with the due date of the 16th of June. We have an ultrasound on tuesday the 20th. If things still look a week ahead at that one, we may be moved up. The ticker on my blog is not set for the 16th due date. If I remember correct, I did it on the 12th. So its a few days different from what the doctors are calculating. But I figure its a mid mark.

We will hopefully find out the sex in less that a week!!!

Latest Storm Watch

Washington is a place of many changes. We have our rain, our wind, our sun, our snow... our rain.... Washington, Northwest to be specific, is home to many rivers, streams, lakes and other waterways. Some water ways we only see once a few decades.

In the last 48 hours, Arlington, in a place nick-named Island Crossing, has been transformed. In what used to be a busy highway, while restaurants and businesses on either side, there is now a lake. Once frequented restaurants are now flooded. Homes have been vacated. Cattle have been moved to higher pastures. Long standing residents have been quoted saying that "flooding like this hasn't been seen is decades" and one lady said "maybe 20 years".
I live a few miles from Arlington. Just one exit away. My particular street hasn't seen very much water accumulation, but we are a little bit higher than some. Some surrounding properties, many have fields, are flooded. Thankfully, only a few have had the misfortune of the water encroaching their living spaces. Many have barns that are flooded. Yards became lake beds. And this is just what is in my ten mile radius.

Now, the story becomes more dire if you head south. The city of Snohomish is under water. Parts of Interstate 5 have been shut down. Main highways are barricaded. Bridges are invisible.
And further south, towards Chehalis and Duvall, have seen horrible conditions.

This is the worst flooding, and the quickest, many have seen in many years. This is because we have been hit with heavy rains, especially in the passes (16 plus in some areas) in 48 hours. When you couple that with the depth of snow accumulation that is now being caused to melt quickly, the rivers had no choice.

Thank goodness for my home.

New Years Resolution

So I was sitting here, on the couch, with the tablet PC, thinking about New Years. In the past I have always done a resolution that was based around vanity. Such as loose weight, become more active, or some variation of that sort. This year, maybe I should do something that doesn't revolve around me really. Do you think it would stick?

Want to know what my New Years Resolution is?



Potty Train my daughter before the new baby arrives.

To Love a Cat

There is about 20 or so inches of snow outside. So I find myself sitting in my recliner with a movie, a key board and a thick warm blanket. And what would complete this portrait? Well besides a cup of hot chocolate, all you need is a fluffy cat.
What is it about a cat that feels so right? Why when I hear the gentle rumble of its motor do I get so happy?
But why? The love of a cat is so 'fickle'. Felines don't run at your beckoning call, at least most times. They are full of sass and will power that only a two year old can rival. And they will get up and leave whether you want them to or not.
They make me happy that's all I know. And maybe that's all I'll ever know. And I suppose that I'll have to be okay with that.

"Winter Storm Watch"

Many times as a child I wished for snow. Mostly I got rain in response to my pleas. A few times we would get a dusting. That dusting, no matter how light it was, always brought thrill to the children of the northwest. There is a song that is very dear to me that reminds of most Christmas' of my life. 'Christmas in the Northwest' sings of the evergreen conditions and rain that we are well accustomed to.
So what happens to people of the Puget Sound when we get a few inches of snow and ice? Well they call it a "STORM" of course.
The news is plastered with stories of sliding buses, closed school and barricaded roads. The weather forecasters say "what's coming next? More snow!" They make it sound like we are all going to die, and that everyone is suffering through something so life threatening and horrible that it won't end soon enough. Its very humorous to see chains on peoples cars. The biggest threat on the roads in ice, because everything has been compacted down and refrozen. Do chains help with that? I don't know. Whatever.
Honestly, my area has seen the most snow that I have heard. At my home we are over 15 inches. Granted we have seen some melting and re-freezing of snow. But we are still getting snow today. A few miles away, there is significantly less than at my house too. We are at the bottom of the hills so we get a good dusting of it.
Last night, we were warned of a strong storm coming in off the West coast, flying quickly east. They didn't know exactly what would happen in my area because we would get the tail end of the 'Storm'. But from what I have heard, the South Sound and some other areas of Washington, were hit very hard. Snow, freezing rain and forceful winds tortured and threatened the residents. They predicted some areas to get as much as 15 inches of snow in under 48 hours. Now for someone who is used to good winter storms, that doesn't sound like much, but for our area it significant. Winds, I heard reached 70 mph in some places.
In preparation for the storm, we bought wood, briquettes, and pellets. My father came and got the flue for the wood stove hooked up. Granted its in the garage and you gotta get the stove really hot before it does us any good, but we had a back up source of heat. The briquettes we would use on the grill to cook. This was all if we lost power and enough for a couple days.
We had considered going up to Chad's parents' home to weather it out, but decided with the pets, we should stick it out at home. Having family as back up shelters was a blessing of security to staying home.
Funny thing happened though. We got a couple inches of snow. Absolutely no wind. And kept the power on the entire time. But Chad's parents lost power. Don't know if they had winds or how much snow. But they lost power. So I am glad I stayed home.

The weather is forecasted to stay pretty much around mild 30's and snow and rain mix. So will we have a white Christmas? It may end up being a bit more slush if it warms up too much, but we have enough that will make it stick around for a while. Unless it warms up dramatically....

Ultrasound

I had an ultrasound yesterday. I love them. Its so neat to see the baby and all the various stages. They never seem to last very long though. At least that's how it feels. It feels like I am in there for ten minutes maybe of sonogram time, then done. Oh, well. They have other patients right?
Anyways, the results are normal. Baby is growing fine. Great in fact. They said that the measurements are actually ahead of schedule. My last ultrasound said I am due around the 16th of June. Well this one said closer to the 8th. I don't know if the doctor will alter the due date in my records to match this ultrasound's reading. I will probably hear about that on the 15th when I have a check up.
I got to have a picture of the baby. First one! I love looking at it. Chad left saying 'I saw boy parts!' I was skeptical. I know that the techs will not affirmatively be able to declare a sex until 18-21 weeks, not 12 or 13. But looking at the picture.... well, I think it does show boy parts. They are technically visible at this stage, but they don't like to look because it is still very hit and miss. Being accurate with things like gender is kinda important I suppose. :) Anyways, based on the picture, I think its a boy as well.
I have felt like its a boy for a while because this pregnancy has been very different from Abigale's. At this stage with her, I was still keeping basically nothing down. I am to the point that I can keep food down during the day. I am still nauseous. I will most times throw up bile/acid in the mornings or late night. But that's okay; that doesn't cause weight loss. The doctor said I can't loose anymore. 14 pounds or so is enough according to him. Unlike Abi's, I have no craving for chocolate. On the other hand, the thought of most chocolate is gross to me. I do crave fruit right now. Unfortunately, this is a bad time to crave fruit. It all its tasteless crap.
But what do ya do? I am excited, though. A boy is going to be a nice addition. And Michelle, Chad's sister in law, is due to have a boy the end of April. This baby will have a close in age cousin to play with!
If I find someone with a scanner, I may scan the ultrasound photo in.....

Oh Christmas tree!

I don't think I will ever forget the memories of putting up the Christmas tree, every year a different experience. As a child, you look forward to the lights and the ornaments, your glee shining like a star. Some years we chose a tree from the farm. Others we plucked the branches out of a box, placed them in a pole and arranged the limbs in deliberate forms. Whether the tree was cut or set up, frosting it with the lights and decorations were the same.First the lights. String them out, making sure that no bulbs are out. Wrap the garland next. Be careful its not tangled or a mess the floor will be. The glass balls and other various ornaments collected over time, all picked with care, are next. Some are gifted, others impulses. Each though is special. Each adds its own touch. I recall each sibling squabbling for their choice.
The angel was the finale. Her delicate wings, silk cream. She had but one light, a candle she did hold. This angel is still used on my mother's tree. I will always remember her fondly. That childhood memory, decorations scattered across the floor, will always have a glow from above. My angel of youth.




My Aunt Brenda gifted my an angel for my own Christmas tree, when I was 16. Unfortunately the angel short circuited and died last year. Now atop my young family's tree, sits a star, shining so bright. I like my star, but it will never replace the angel of my heart.

The Queen Has Her Throne Once Again

In our culture, buckets are referenced many ways. Five gallon buckets are a common scene. Many times they are carriers for paint, other fluids such as water, and they even carry solids, often in the form of dirt or grains. Some common phrases about buckets are 'to kick the bucket', 'its pouring buckets', and 'a drop in the bucket'. Another thing that people think of almost instantly is a 'honey bucket'.
I would be very surprised to find anyone who did not understand what the reference to a 'honey bucket' implied. But for those who don't know, a 'honey bucket' is a portable toilet. Many won't use a porta-potty unless they are camping. And even then, the direst of situations usually is all that will convince them to use one.
What would you do if you had no toilet? How long would you last in your home when your bathroom has virtually zero working appliances?
My home has undergone a major home improvement. This all began on October 17th. The demolition began that night. Then the next day the real heavy work began. Gutted, the bathroom was bare. We removed the toilet, sink and tub. A new tub was installed the first weekend. But that still left us with out a toilet and sink. And really not able to use the tub except for Saturday the 18th night. Now what would you do for a potty?

My answer- five gallon bucket.

My husband's job called him away the Wednesday after the work began on my bathroom. This was no short trip either. He was slated to be gone for almost three weeks. (In fact, as I write this he is still away.) This left me, pregnant and nauseous (often throwing up multiple times a day) to deal and handle the work on my bathroom. Now, don't get me wrong, I personally did practically no physical work on the renovation efforts. But the stress was present all the same. Decisions had to be made regarding this such as what to do about a plumbing issue. Or how to fix the issue of 'fur'ing out the wall to meet the tub. I have no experience in this category. So when things went wrong, it was all I could do to not just loose it.
Now the work that had to be done on our bathroom with Chad away was tiling the floor, counter and the tub/shower walls. Granted we had a guy from church we hired to do it, that had its own set of problems. He did 'cut some corners' to save us money. Which honestly, just do it right and I won't mind paying you the extra was my feelings. It's technically just rent money so it doesn't effect my lifestyle persay. He did do a wonderful job tiling. I love it. There are some quirks but I trusted him to be in my home while I was by myself and even while I was away, so what do you do? Live with it right?
Let me remind you, this whole time, I am peeing and pooing in a bucket placed in my garage. My nauseous tummy was relived in my kitchen sink. Surprising to many, the bucket didn't bother me as much as the sink did. I hated puking in the sink because if there were chunks I then had to clean out my sink which usually made me throw up again. Vicious cycle I tell you what.


The light in shining on my home tonight though. My loving father came by this even and installed my 'porceline throne'. I am on my way to being civilized once again. I installed the shower head this evening and placed a new shower rod with my new curtain on it. I placed a rug on the floor. Its beginning to look like a bathroom again. One that is functional as such at least.
There are still things to be done though. I need to go buy something to hide the half inch gap in the drywall and hardibacker board, base boards, trim for the door frames. The walls need to be sanded in some areas and retextured. A new coat of paint is definetly on the list. I need to clean out the vanity cupboard from all the dust and water on it. Its gross. The water shut off valve flange under the vanity needs to be snipped off so I can put a new one one. The old one is stuck otherwise it would normally just pull off. The door frames also need to be reinstalled.
And that is just the work in the bathroom. My whole home has exploded from the dust and chaos. I need to vacuum and shampoo the carpets. Its more than I can stand. It will be nice to have my hall and living room empty of the extra stuff. One bathroom remodel turned into a house of disaster.

But the end is near. Chad comes home on Sunday. I am eight weeks pregnant. Life is hard, but would you want it to be otherwise? A friend of mine used to quote to me something to the effect of 'Everything will work out in the end. And if everything is not alright, its not the end'. That is comforting to think on. The Lord has a plan, though we may be miserable, we always learn something from it. We grow from struggle and that's why we're here. Hold your head high while you walk through life, its humbling to know you don't have to pee in a bucket.

Life and Fairness

I remember as a kid being told "life is not fair". Many parents have heard their child declare with a feeling of great injustice "That's not fair!" While thinking on this the other night, I started to wonder what in life is fair. Parents may try to be, but they are human. Their views are skewed; sometimes they only see one side of the story and you can't reply on the children to always tell it how it was from the objective standpoint. So to all the children out there, when you want fairness where do you do?
Look to the skies. Be a meteorologist.
The weather is completely neutral. There are no biases in weather. The weather does not care who you are. It does not care what your day's plans are. The April showers will not hold off for your wedding if their clouds are heavy. The winter blizzard will not clench its icy winds and frozen rain to let your laboring, pregnant wife get to the hospital in time. There is fairness in nature. Humans, not so much.

In the water

My previous post was about my sister. Not me. Just in case anyone wondered. But I want to update everyone. Today I was informed that Chad and I are expecting. I am only about four weeks along. Best I can figure we are looking at a mid June baby. We are very happy! This has been something we were trying for for a few months now. Thanks for all the support from family and friends.

Unplanned

You hear of the teen pregnancy, the black mark on the family. You hear of it through the grapevine. Its always someone else's daughter. You watch that family mourn the loss of the youth of their teen, too young to be a parent. But how do you react when the said daughter is in your family? You are now the family with the unplanned child of a teen girl.
I never wanted to experience this. I never wanted to know how people felt when this happened. Never. She's too young. She's void of so many skills.


But its positive. Reality is, she is pregnant.

So what now? Where do you go from here? I knew she was pregnant. Even before the test came back. I knew. I saw her belly pudging out. I saw her queasy face. She complained of all the common early signs.

But I didn't want it to show the two pink lines. Reality is, they are bold, bold as day.


Tomorrow we go to the lab. Tomorrow, we call to set an appointment for first trimester check ups.

The baby is on its way. The new addition to our family. To a child herself, how this will affect her life many know. What we don't know is how she will change to handle it.




How do you handle it, when you're the one who was trying?

Life Changes

It's interesting how as we go through life, experiencing different things, how our opinions and out looks change. The young are jaded. The old are wise to the ways of the world. And the young at heart still test the boundaries.
I was thinking on how my views have been altered as I have grown older. I started out believing everyone was supposed to be nice. I think everyone does. But when you're the blunt of everyone's teasing in school, followed home by the neighborhood twerps, you quickly learn otherwise. When you try to get a job, and someone is chosen over you, the reality that you can't get chosen for a job based on how well you think you qualify is a reminder of reality. You need experience for everything you do.
Things never are as they seem. Life is never an easy course. And not that it should be. Its a hard lesson to learn. The lesson every one learns, different times in their life maybe, but we all have to learn it.
We all have to learn to recognize our mistakes. It is necessary for us to learn to say 'I am sorry'. Learning to forgive yourself is the hardest lesson of all. But you can't move forward until you learn from your past.
Take life's lesson with optimism. They are for our good. We have to learn in order to change and grow into better people, for ourselves, for our children and families, and for society.

Feel free to share your life's lesson opinions and stories.

By Request

I told a friend I wrote poetry before. That friend asked me to post some. So tonight, I will post one that I wrote a couple years back.
This one comes from a time when someone close to me was making decisions that I didn't agree with. She was having a hard time overcoming the pressures of teen life and the aspects of pressures that come with that. This poem came from the frustration I felt as she pushed me away. The pain I felt as I watched her screw up. The sorrow that pierced my heart as the sister I loved, walked away from everything I knew was right.

How?
10/26/2004
How can I make you understand?
How can I make you see?
I want to slap you in the face
And say "Listen to me!"
I want to take you by the hand
And show you all that you can be.

But for now, all I can do is dream.
All I can do is pray you will see.
And as I pray, I will stay
Waiting for you to listen to me.
The I will take you by the hand
And show you all that you can be.

Since this poem, many things have happened. Many tears were shed, and many dreams were shattered. But hope has begun to shine in my family. My sister is home again. Happy again. Away from drugs, away from abusive relationships, among other things. I pray that she has learned. I pray she will stay and become all she was meant to be.

Ostrich Feathers!?

I have an adsense window on my blog and this evening I saw an ad for the first time. But I was kinda surprised by it. I didn't know they sold high quality, let alone any quality of Ostrich Feather! Yeah, that's what my ad was today- High quality Ostrich Feathers! What do you do with those anyway? Make a hat?

Ode To Family Dinners

I always wondered growing up what being in a big family would be like. What it would be like to have more than five people at the dinner table. How you cook for more than three kids, let alone seating them in a dining room. Looking at families in my church who had kids that required counting with most of your ten fingers, I would think these things. Seeing them sit in the pews at church, lined up so handsome in their 'Sunday best', would make me contemplate the logistics of a large clan. And to some extent I still do ponder on how large household functions.

And to some extent, I am learning by being cast into the fire.

My husband is one of five brothers. He is the eldest. The three older sons all have kids and are married. When you take five sons, four grand kids, and three wives, the noise level, among other things, is greatly quantified. You now have two tables of people for dinner. One table for the kids with jobs. One for the four kids, three of which aren't even two yet. And you can't have four children at a table by themselves, so its always a game of drawing straws for which two adults get to sit with the toddlers. And that doesn't even cover the amount of plates, forks, cups, and groceries to complete a dinner setting. Do you place the dishes of food on the table or do you have a buffet line that people serve themselves with? That is often one of the first decision made on at dinner line up.

My mother in law, bless her heart, loves having these group gatherings. But her tolerance for mess is very limited. Let's just say its limited to no mess. She has to have everything a particular way. Every item has its place, pillows turned just right and papers stacked this angle. Sometimes I wonder if she's forgotten what its like having kids. All she does is clean while we're there. Rarely do I see her sit, with the exception of eating her dinner. The poor dear, stresses out the entire time, and always sighs when the children have gone.

My father in law, I think, handles the crowds a bit better. He is usually smiling and joking with someone. It makes me happy to see him. He actually feels like a father to me. More than once, he has come to me with a form of caring such as bring a blanket for me to cuddle with. He is very insightful into one's needs. And I respect him very much for the way he has raised his sons. Keeping his wife sane is a more daunting task, but he is ever prevailing to be a balance for her.

Chad's brothers are all very different from each other. This makes for a interesting evening for sure. We have, Nick, who is very active the whole night, pacing while he interacts with everyone. Usually snapping and slapping his fist to the palm of opposite hand while he talks, he is a high energy presence. You can tell how passionate, excited or whatever the feeling is at the time, by how much he is moving around.

Scott is less mobile in the sense that he doesn't pace when he talks. But he is partially deaf, and when in a crowd of everyone having their own conversations, he normally speaks fairly loud. He may need you to repeat something as well. Questions of 'interest' are Scott's thing. I wonder if he thinks the whole week on what on ask people when we all get together again. Every time we are together as a family, he has some 'probing' question for people. He is very opinionated, but that is a family trait. Conversations may be as simple as what books you like, to the Swiss particle accelerator in development by CERN.

Jeff is rarely there. He works for Papa John's delivering pizzas. When he is there, he is more quiet. He often retreats to playing his guitar.

Tim has his days where he is all involved in the family bustle. Other days he hides out upstairs in the office, playing games and watching YouTube. He can be very senstive sometimes. Being the youngest is hard, even when you are fourteen. Fourteen is a hard age for anyone though. He is trying to figure out who he is. Somedays he is laughing, some he is yelling and saying how everyone is mean and picking on him. But we love Tim. Most Sundays he is a big and most valued help with the kids. He will play with them and give them baths. Frequently he will sit with the kids so that a parent has the opportunity of adult interaction at mealtime. We wouldn't trade him for anything.

Chad is pretty quiet. Like his mother, he doesn't handle the commotion very well. He gets stressed sometimes. Today he was doing some tedious tasks and was having a hard time concentrating because of the noise level. He loves his brothers and he does like being with his family.

I am grateful for the opportunity I have to be part of a larger family. I love it. We are growing and we are learning. We are finding new ways to interact. New methods to organizing. New talents to showcase. New ways we can all help live together as a happy family. New ways to laugh about the ways things are, could be and have been. And isn't that what being part of a big family is all about?


Living together, learning together, loving together, laughing together.