There are days when I think, Did I make the right choice? There are days when I say, Is this really my life? Being a mother of two is difficult at times. But I enjoy the adventure most days. My daughter is who puts me through it most days. My son is pretty easy. But so was Abi once. I had a conversation once with a relative and we were discussing the ages of children and the difficulties. She made the comment that she loved toddlers. I said toddlers are cute, but I have an easier time with infants. She then inquired and speculated at the same time. She asked "Why? Is it because toddlers require interaction?" I actually look that offensively at the time. But for the most part that's not it. I have an easier time with infants because their needs are basic. I know what to expect with an infant. I have a hard time with the toddler who doesn't listen. The toddler who keeps peeing on the floor. I love having a two year old. But somedays I get so stressed by life with her, that I wonder if she'll live to see three. I honestly dread my son entering the two year old stage most times. I want him to stay little, and sweet. I love the fact that if he's fussy all it takes is me to talk to him. Rattle a toy and he's all better. He makes no messes. Diapers don't count. Doesn't strangle the cats. And he doesn't fight bed time. If he's tired he usually takes little convincing to get to sleep. Abigale wants the light on, to read, to play. Of course she's always needing ice water.
But in the times when I am not stressed, and even times when I am, I see her smile. Or she says something sweet. And I fall in love all over again with my daughter. I see her develop into a little girl, toddling no more. And I watch my son grow before his age into clothes some toddlers wear. Where is the time going? My babies are growing up.


And then I try to think of the future. Of the prospect of more children, and I want to cry. I know that I am not ready for that leap. But I know we aren't done. There are missing pieces. I also feel like I need to learn. I want to go back to school. I feel a drive for the medical field. A desire that is pulling at me so strongly. But when is it time? A little at a time, I move forward figuring things out. A little at a time. I pray for strength to be able to make it through having and raising children and that I will learn what I need to learn.