There are days when I think, Did I make the right choice? There are days when I say, Is this really my life? Being a mother of two is difficult at times. But I enjoy the adventure most days. My daughter is who puts me through it most days. My son is pretty easy. But so was Abi once. I had a conversation once with a relative and we were discussing the ages of children and the difficulties. She made the comment that she loved toddlers. I said toddlers are cute, but I have an easier time with infants. She then inquired and speculated at the same time. She asked "Why? Is it because toddlers require interaction?" I actually look that offensively at the time. But for the most part that's not it. I have an easier time with infants because their needs are basic. I know what to expect with an infant. I have a hard time with the toddler who doesn't listen. The toddler who keeps peeing on the floor. I love having a two year old. But somedays I get so stressed by life with her, that I wonder if she'll live to see three. I honestly dread my son entering the two year old stage most times. I want him to stay little, and sweet. I love the fact that if he's fussy all it takes is me to talk to him. Rattle a toy and he's all better. He makes no messes. Diapers don't count. Doesn't strangle the cats. And he doesn't fight bed time. If he's tired he usually takes little convincing to get to sleep. Abigale wants the light on, to read, to play. Of course she's always needing ice water.
But in the times when I am not stressed, and even times when I am, I see her smile. Or she says something sweet. And I fall in love all over again with my daughter. I see her develop into a little girl, toddling no more. And I watch my son grow before his age into clothes some toddlers wear. Where is the time going? My babies are growing up.


And then I try to think of the future. Of the prospect of more children, and I want to cry. I know that I am not ready for that leap. But I know we aren't done. There are missing pieces. I also feel like I need to learn. I want to go back to school. I feel a drive for the medical field. A desire that is pulling at me so strongly. But when is it time? A little at a time, I move forward figuring things out. A little at a time. I pray for strength to be able to make it through having and raising children and that I will learn what I need to learn.

Trials or Opportunities

Experiences give us opportunities to learn new lessons for life.How we handle the experiences life has given us dictates what we walk away with. Imagine a car wreck. What do you see on the people's faces? Maybe there is an angry individual. Perhaps there is a teen driver. And lets say there is a mother with children in her vehicle. Most car accidents are jostling to anyone. Its embarrassing for the person(s) at fault. Terrifying for everyone if more than a bump.
What reactions do you see in the faces? Anger. Stress. Relief if there were no injuries. Maybe some confusion if people don't know exactly what happened. Have you ever seen understanding? How about compassion?
I was recently in a car accident. For those of you familiar with the area where I live, I was on 172nd Pl Ne stopped at a light to go across 67th AVE NE. The car behind me stopped. And the car behind her did not, from what I can discern. I am not sure what exactly happened on his end. But it is irrelevant.
After the crash, we all got out to assess damages. The other two vehicles, both SUVs, sustained minor damages. My Cavalier on the other hand was more intense. The trunk is pretty severe. I cannot open it for the latch has been bent at a 45 degree angle into the trunk. Both lights are cracked and there are some other things that aren't right anymore.
The driver behind me was the veterinarian technician that actually helped me put down a cat just a few weeks ago. (Small world huh, that I knew the driver behind me.) She was not happy. She was actually very upset and angry that this happened. I don't think she was far from home. She was probably coming home from work; she was still in scrubs.
The driver at fault was a kid. He was just 16. He was mortified. His feelings were intensified when he found out about the kids in my back seat. My 13.5 week old and 2.5 year old were fine so I wasn't feeling any worry about them.
Surprisingly, I was not upset. I was scared I guess you could say because I did not see that coming. I have a bit of whip lash from it. But that's it. Instead of anger, I felt sympathy for the kid. I have been in his exact situation before. And being involved in this reminded me of all the feelings I felt when I rear-ended another car. I felt no anger. No animosity at all. I seriously kept telling him "its okay. It happens." At the time I did not know his name, nor his age. It didn't even cross my mind to get his name. It didn't matter. What mattered was everyone was okay.
Looking back, I am surprised. And I have come away from that experience with a couple thoughts. The first thought is how do we react in situations? Are we being proactive or reactive? Is what we are doing what Christ would want us to do? We are all here together to help each learn and become better. Are we doing that for one another?
Secondly, Though it should have been minor, the assessment of the damages are adding up quickly to be a large sum. My car, though it still looks nice, is not worth as much as one might think. For months we have been praying for ways to spend less and get rid of debt. Chad may have a good job, but it does not pay very well at times. This makes parts of the year difficult to make ends meet. The probability of my car being a total loss is high at this point. So I have been batting around my options and trying to weigh the pros and cons now so I can make more educated decisions when the time comes. This being said, I have been feeling like if my car is totaled, I would take the settlement money and pay off debt. This means I will be without a car for awhile. But it feels like this is the opportunity I need to take in life. This is the lemon I am to see as lemonade. Isn't that what we should do, coat our lemons with sugar and squeeze?
"When life give you lemons, make lemonade." Though the saying remains, to practically a point that it is cliche, how many of us really take its advice. To listen to such means to suck up our pride and realize we are in this position for a reason. Lemons are opportunities. They may be disguised as very sour fruit and often make us more than pucker, but we will benefit in the end.