I always wondered growing up what being in a big family would be like. What it would be like to have more than five people at the dinner table. How you cook for more than three kids, let alone seating them in a dining room. Looking at families in my church who had kids that required counting with most of your ten fingers, I would think these things. Seeing them sit in the pews at church, lined up so handsome in their 'Sunday best', would make me contemplate the logistics of a large clan. And to some extent I still do ponder on how large household functions.
And to some extent, I am learning by being cast into the fire.
My husband is one of five brothers. He is the eldest. The three older sons all have kids and are married. When you take five sons, four grand kids, and three wives, the noise level, among other things, is greatly quantified. You now have two tables of people for dinner. One table for the kids with jobs. One for the four kids, three of which aren't even two yet. And you can't have four children at a table by themselves, so its always a game of drawing straws for which two adults get to sit with the toddlers. And that doesn't even cover the amount of plates, forks, cups, and groceries to complete a dinner setting. Do you place the dishes of food on the table or do you have a buffet line that people serve themselves with? That is often one of the first decision made on at dinner line up.
My mother in law, bless her heart, loves having these group gatherings. But her tolerance for mess is very limited. Let's just say its limited to no mess. She has to have everything a particular way. Every item has its place, pillows turned just right and papers stacked this angle. Sometimes I wonder if she's forgotten what its like having kids. All she does is clean while we're there. Rarely do I see her sit, with the exception of eating her dinner. The poor dear, stresses out the entire time, and always sighs when the children have gone.
My father in law, I think, handles the crowds a bit better. He is usually smiling and joking with someone. It makes me happy to see him. He actually feels like a father to me. More than once, he has come to me with a form of caring such as bring a blanket for me to cuddle with. He is very insightful into one's needs. And I respect him very much for the way he has raised his sons. Keeping his wife sane is a more daunting task, but he is ever prevailing to be a balance for her.
Chad's brothers are all very different from each other. This makes for a interesting evening for sure. We have, Nick, who is very active the whole night, pacing while he interacts with everyone. Usually snapping and slapping his fist to the palm of opposite hand while he talks, he is a high energy presence. You can tell how passionate, excited or whatever the feeling is at the time, by how much he is moving around.
Scott is less mobile in the sense that he doesn't pace when he talks. But he is partially deaf, and when in a crowd of everyone having their own conversations, he normally speaks fairly loud. He may need you to repeat something as well. Questions of 'interest' are Scott's thing. I wonder if he thinks the whole week on what on ask people when we all get together again. Every time we are together as a family, he has some 'probing' question for people. He is very opinionated, but that is a family trait. Conversations may be as simple as what books you like, to the Swiss particle accelerator in development by CERN.
Jeff is rarely there. He works for Papa John's delivering pizzas. When he is there, he is more quiet. He often retreats to playing his guitar.
Tim has his days where he is all involved in the family bustle. Other days he hides out upstairs in the office, playing games and watching YouTube. He can be very senstive sometimes. Being the youngest is hard, even when you are fourteen. Fourteen is a hard age for anyone though. He is trying to figure out who he is. Somedays he is laughing, some he is yelling and saying how everyone is mean and picking on him. But we love Tim. Most Sundays he is a big and most valued help with the kids. He will play with them and give them baths. Frequently he will sit with the kids so that a parent has the opportunity of adult interaction at mealtime. We wouldn't trade him for anything.
Chad is pretty quiet. Like his mother, he doesn't handle the commotion very well. He gets stressed sometimes. Today he was doing some tedious tasks and was having a hard time concentrating because of the noise level. He loves his brothers and he does like being with his family.
I am grateful for the opportunity I have to be part of a larger family. I love it. We are growing and we are learning. We are finding new ways to interact. New methods to organizing. New talents to showcase. New ways we can all help live together as a happy family. New ways to laugh about the ways things are, could be and have been. And isn't that what being part of a big family is all about?
Living together, learning together, loving together, laughing together.
