Unplanned

You hear of the teen pregnancy, the black mark on the family. You hear of it through the grapevine. Its always someone else's daughter. You watch that family mourn the loss of the youth of their teen, too young to be a parent. But how do you react when the said daughter is in your family? You are now the family with the unplanned child of a teen girl.
I never wanted to experience this. I never wanted to know how people felt when this happened. Never. She's too young. She's void of so many skills.


But its positive. Reality is, she is pregnant.

So what now? Where do you go from here? I knew she was pregnant. Even before the test came back. I knew. I saw her belly pudging out. I saw her queasy face. She complained of all the common early signs.

But I didn't want it to show the two pink lines. Reality is, they are bold, bold as day.


Tomorrow we go to the lab. Tomorrow, we call to set an appointment for first trimester check ups.

The baby is on its way. The new addition to our family. To a child herself, how this will affect her life many know. What we don't know is how she will change to handle it.




How do you handle it, when you're the one who was trying?

Life Changes

It's interesting how as we go through life, experiencing different things, how our opinions and out looks change. The young are jaded. The old are wise to the ways of the world. And the young at heart still test the boundaries.
I was thinking on how my views have been altered as I have grown older. I started out believing everyone was supposed to be nice. I think everyone does. But when you're the blunt of everyone's teasing in school, followed home by the neighborhood twerps, you quickly learn otherwise. When you try to get a job, and someone is chosen over you, the reality that you can't get chosen for a job based on how well you think you qualify is a reminder of reality. You need experience for everything you do.
Things never are as they seem. Life is never an easy course. And not that it should be. Its a hard lesson to learn. The lesson every one learns, different times in their life maybe, but we all have to learn it.
We all have to learn to recognize our mistakes. It is necessary for us to learn to say 'I am sorry'. Learning to forgive yourself is the hardest lesson of all. But you can't move forward until you learn from your past.
Take life's lesson with optimism. They are for our good. We have to learn in order to change and grow into better people, for ourselves, for our children and families, and for society.

Feel free to share your life's lesson opinions and stories.

By Request

I told a friend I wrote poetry before. That friend asked me to post some. So tonight, I will post one that I wrote a couple years back.
This one comes from a time when someone close to me was making decisions that I didn't agree with. She was having a hard time overcoming the pressures of teen life and the aspects of pressures that come with that. This poem came from the frustration I felt as she pushed me away. The pain I felt as I watched her screw up. The sorrow that pierced my heart as the sister I loved, walked away from everything I knew was right.

How?
10/26/2004
How can I make you understand?
How can I make you see?
I want to slap you in the face
And say "Listen to me!"
I want to take you by the hand
And show you all that you can be.

But for now, all I can do is dream.
All I can do is pray you will see.
And as I pray, I will stay
Waiting for you to listen to me.
The I will take you by the hand
And show you all that you can be.

Since this poem, many things have happened. Many tears were shed, and many dreams were shattered. But hope has begun to shine in my family. My sister is home again. Happy again. Away from drugs, away from abusive relationships, among other things. I pray that she has learned. I pray she will stay and become all she was meant to be.

Ostrich Feathers!?

I have an adsense window on my blog and this evening I saw an ad for the first time. But I was kinda surprised by it. I didn't know they sold high quality, let alone any quality of Ostrich Feather! Yeah, that's what my ad was today- High quality Ostrich Feathers! What do you do with those anyway? Make a hat?

Ode To Family Dinners

I always wondered growing up what being in a big family would be like. What it would be like to have more than five people at the dinner table. How you cook for more than three kids, let alone seating them in a dining room. Looking at families in my church who had kids that required counting with most of your ten fingers, I would think these things. Seeing them sit in the pews at church, lined up so handsome in their 'Sunday best', would make me contemplate the logistics of a large clan. And to some extent I still do ponder on how large household functions.

And to some extent, I am learning by being cast into the fire.

My husband is one of five brothers. He is the eldest. The three older sons all have kids and are married. When you take five sons, four grand kids, and three wives, the noise level, among other things, is greatly quantified. You now have two tables of people for dinner. One table for the kids with jobs. One for the four kids, three of which aren't even two yet. And you can't have four children at a table by themselves, so its always a game of drawing straws for which two adults get to sit with the toddlers. And that doesn't even cover the amount of plates, forks, cups, and groceries to complete a dinner setting. Do you place the dishes of food on the table or do you have a buffet line that people serve themselves with? That is often one of the first decision made on at dinner line up.

My mother in law, bless her heart, loves having these group gatherings. But her tolerance for mess is very limited. Let's just say its limited to no mess. She has to have everything a particular way. Every item has its place, pillows turned just right and papers stacked this angle. Sometimes I wonder if she's forgotten what its like having kids. All she does is clean while we're there. Rarely do I see her sit, with the exception of eating her dinner. The poor dear, stresses out the entire time, and always sighs when the children have gone.

My father in law, I think, handles the crowds a bit better. He is usually smiling and joking with someone. It makes me happy to see him. He actually feels like a father to me. More than once, he has come to me with a form of caring such as bring a blanket for me to cuddle with. He is very insightful into one's needs. And I respect him very much for the way he has raised his sons. Keeping his wife sane is a more daunting task, but he is ever prevailing to be a balance for her.

Chad's brothers are all very different from each other. This makes for a interesting evening for sure. We have, Nick, who is very active the whole night, pacing while he interacts with everyone. Usually snapping and slapping his fist to the palm of opposite hand while he talks, he is a high energy presence. You can tell how passionate, excited or whatever the feeling is at the time, by how much he is moving around.

Scott is less mobile in the sense that he doesn't pace when he talks. But he is partially deaf, and when in a crowd of everyone having their own conversations, he normally speaks fairly loud. He may need you to repeat something as well. Questions of 'interest' are Scott's thing. I wonder if he thinks the whole week on what on ask people when we all get together again. Every time we are together as a family, he has some 'probing' question for people. He is very opinionated, but that is a family trait. Conversations may be as simple as what books you like, to the Swiss particle accelerator in development by CERN.

Jeff is rarely there. He works for Papa John's delivering pizzas. When he is there, he is more quiet. He often retreats to playing his guitar.

Tim has his days where he is all involved in the family bustle. Other days he hides out upstairs in the office, playing games and watching YouTube. He can be very senstive sometimes. Being the youngest is hard, even when you are fourteen. Fourteen is a hard age for anyone though. He is trying to figure out who he is. Somedays he is laughing, some he is yelling and saying how everyone is mean and picking on him. But we love Tim. Most Sundays he is a big and most valued help with the kids. He will play with them and give them baths. Frequently he will sit with the kids so that a parent has the opportunity of adult interaction at mealtime. We wouldn't trade him for anything.

Chad is pretty quiet. Like his mother, he doesn't handle the commotion very well. He gets stressed sometimes. Today he was doing some tedious tasks and was having a hard time concentrating because of the noise level. He loves his brothers and he does like being with his family.

I am grateful for the opportunity I have to be part of a larger family. I love it. We are growing and we are learning. We are finding new ways to interact. New methods to organizing. New talents to showcase. New ways we can all help live together as a happy family. New ways to laugh about the ways things are, could be and have been. And isn't that what being part of a big family is all about?


Living together, learning together, loving together, laughing together.

Torn Feathers and Fur

Many who have read my blog before, know of the bird tragedies that have occurred lately in my home. The feather strewn across my lawn and living room had many saying "Oh My!" What I didn't add then was that my parakeet did that week too!
This week, my dog has still be trying her status as our family canine. Due to her breed, I understand why this happens, but its not okay. I promised my step father that if she got to his birds and killed any, she would go. That day has come. This week she has broken into my bird cage and tormented on of the white Leghorns. Also I was informed of her nature coming into play with one of Steve's show chickens. That bird is no longer suitable for events. Maybe that's due to its lack of life.
What do you do when the day has come when you have to own up to your word? Now I am faced with the battled of getting this dog's attention of our family fowl. How do you curve a dog's nature?
I wouldn't mind just getting rid of her; that would solve so many problems. She is a good dog. But she can't kill my birds! Another hang up I have will just getting rid of her is the money we have put into her. It adds up fast. The time also is a big part. The clincher: can this be stopped?
My options are thus- 1) Shock collar every time she gets towards the chickens. 2) Tie dead chicken to neck 3) Electric barriers and fencing.
There are problems to each though. The first works great- when the collar is on. The collar is also remote control, requiring me to watch at all times. And she knows when its off. Therefore making it a permanent fixture on her neck.
The second idea is kinda gross. Tying a chicken to her neck was recommended by a friend's father. He has chicken and had this problem with a dog. He said it worked because the dog got tired of the chicken in its face. Will it work? We try tomorrow.
The third idea is expensive. I don't know about you, but I don't have more money to put into a dog. I can hardly pay bills and eat. In concept it would work, but do I really want to spends hundreds on a dog that stresses me out and drives me crazy?
And what do I do when these fail? Who wants to buy a dog once she is 7 months old? Most don't get re-homed very well after they are 5-6 months old. Chad tells me I don't put enough effort into training. But to be honest, I don't like having this dog. I have in effect two toddlers. Dogs frustrate me. Yeah, I am lazy when it comes to training. I don't care enough sometimes.
Why did I agree to a dog?

Who let the dog out?!

Chickens are in my yard. Dog is in my yard. Cat is in my yard. Is this a recipe for a disaster or what? Last night while going to bed, I heard the normal clucking of my six hens. Thinking they were a little louder than I remember, but knowing I had latched the coop I didn't think much about it. This is where I have concluded all my troubles began.
Fast forward to this morning, about 7:30. My normal wake up alarm is the dog. I got up and took her to the back door and let her out. Next I went the bathroom. Hearing the noises coming from my back door were abnormal screeching. At first it didn't click with me what was happening. But then the light went on and I ran from the bathroom in my underwear. I flung open the back door and yelled in earnest at the dog. "Tikanni! Inside now!"
The sandbox of my back yard is dusted with white feathers. One bird is dead. One is missing a lot of feathers. And possibly another is injured seriously. What do you do with a four month old chicken anyway?